While we scour the shopping aisles hoping there will finally be a low-calorie option of our favorite food, they scour Wikipedia and search for what eating disorder they’d like to suffer from this month. As they read through the symptoms, picking out any and every ailment they can loosely connect to current, unrelated maladies, we pick out the lowest calorie package of cookies. And when they decide having a heart attack would be too hard to fake and decide to leave that symptom behind, we decide to put the cookies back, again, because we just can’t fathom ever actually eating them. ‘Not today’ we say, but maybe tomorrow.
They wear their eating disorders like a dress on loan, signing a temporary contract agreeing to bring it back like new once they’ve managed to lose ten pounds. Satisfaction guaranteed, and if you don’t like how you fit in your bikini, you’ll get a full refund, or in their case, a badge called “recovery.” And yet for us, it’s a permanent obligation — you break it, you bought it — no returns, store credits, or money back. So while they get splashed in the pool by their secret crush, we get splash-back when we throw up the fridge. Not only do we spend money, but we watch it go down the drain between the vomit and bile.
And when they have cheat days because it’s their birthday or Christmas or “who-cares-I-just-want-to-eat-haha,” we cheat almost everyone or everything. We cheat on our spouses with food and our bosses with fake smiles and hey — we even cheat death, because while they get to take a break from hair loss and feeling cold, we wake up wondering how we managed another day alive.
And while their biggest fear is not reaching their goal weight, ours is living the rest of our lives this way. Because while they are drooling over thinspo, we’re drooling over the life we’re missing out on. While they’re counting down the pounds we’re counting on fate to deal us just one ounce of hope to get better. While they’re focusing on taking a picture of themselves sucking in, we’re focusing on the bigger picture, the one that screams ‘If you don’t get your shit together, this will be the rest of your life.’
And when they’re done, we’ll just keep on going. While they click the x on top of the Wikipedia page and close their eyes for the night, we stay up wandering the aisles, picking things up and putting them back.Lydia @ edcynic, fighting against the appropriation of eating disorders. (via edcynic)
People, send me asks, be nosey because I’m bored and want you to invade my privacy :3